Shame: The Door to Freedom

Turn your shame into your superpower.

The thing that you judge most about yourself, that thing you have a lot of shame around, is usually what makes you, you. It’s actually your superpower.

For as long as I can remember, I absolutely hated being vulnerable. It was so subconscious & on auto-pilot that I didn't even realize I was doing it, by doing it, I mean not being vulnerable. It was terribly uncomfortable, I just couldn’t do it. 

The thing is, I thought I was being vulnerable, I would pick and choose the things I wanted to share. At the time, I didn’t even know I was avoiding being vulnerable, I just thought “yea I’m vulnerable and that’s why I openly share things and I can comfortably do that”. Also, I never had any issue with confrontations so I just assumed yea I have no problem “expressing myself”.

It wasn’t until I started deeply reflecting that I realized, I’m not being vulnerable. It’s too uncomfortable, it makes me uneasy, it makes me feel so many intense emotions that I don’t want to feel. Ultimately, I felt a lot of shame about being vulnerable because of my beliefs around it. 

Some of my old beliefs around vulnerability were:

• Being vulnerable is weak

• Being vulnerable is too serious and I want to have fun and not be so serious 

• Being vulnerable doesn’t make sense

• Being vulnerable doesn’t result in much besides more intense emotions I’d rather avoid 

• Being vulnerable allows others to have power over you

• Being vulnerable tells someone else how they impacted you and I’d rather not have someone know that 

• Being vulnerable is going to create tension 

These were all beliefs I had around vulnerability and I was judging myself (hence not allowing myself to actually be vulnerable) and of course judging others, because what you judge about yourself you judge in others - whether you are intentionally wanting to or not. You see, your beliefs shape your actions. I believed all the above therefore I wasn’t being vulnerable nor showing up authentic.

Gosh was I so terribly wrong about these beliefs and did I completely miss the mark on this. LOL @ being vulnerable is too serious. How is expressing how you feel serious? That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. LOL 

My shame this whole time has turned into my greatest super power. What I hid for so long has actually been my greatest strength and opened the door to freedom, absolutely liberating me.

Here is the thing, when you don’t honor yourself, set the right boundaries, speak your truth, and show up authentically, you don’t allow others to show up for you.

When you don’t fully express yourself, you aren’t living in your truth.

When you aren’t living in your truth, you can’t live a life of freedom.

Focus on YOU, how YOU feel and speak your truth, for YOU, not to try and “change” someone else or control someone or the situation. If someone doesn’t understand or judges you for expressing yourself, let go of that, they are most likely judging themselves and that’s not your issue. Your focus is showing up authentically and honoring yourself - that is your power!!! 

For so long, I wanted to avoid this side of me. I started to believe most things “just” didn’t impact me. I’ve always fortunately been an optimistic, positive person and so I started telling myself yeah I’m just not phased by that, it’s okay, I don’t care, it didn’t bother me. When in reality, things did impact me, many things I swept under the rug that actually did really hurt me. It’s OKAY to be hurt. It’s OKAY to be sad. It’s OKAY to be impacted. It’s ALL okay. You are human and the fact you can feel is normal and a good thing. 

I’m over this whole stigma of pretending and then believing my own lies of not being impacted by people and situations. It’s funny the more I’ve been vulnerable, the more fulfilled and free I’ve felt. This feeling I’ve been seeking for so long. How ironic I thought I needed to hide this side of me. LMAO 

If you don’t share the honest truth, how do you expect others to be honest with you? You want authenticity from others, so show up authentically. You can’t receive what you don’t put out in the world.

What you give, is what you get. 

The more you can be honest with yourself, the more you can be honest with others. The more you can speak your truth, the more you allow others to show up for you. & here’s the thing, it’s your POWER to be able to express yourself. The more you keep it in, the more others cannot show up for you, cannot give you what you need, cannot support you, love you, accept you, ect. 

You are only responsible for how you feel and your emotions. You are not responsible for anyone else’s. 

Show up for YOU and that’s being fully honest with how you feel. When you do that, you let go of all these dumb af facades and masks you are showing up in.

Life is honestly too short to pretend you are un bothered when you sure as hell know deep down you’ve been bothered.

It’s so much weight to carry. Let go of the weight and make room for what is truly for you. 

The more you speak your truth, the more you open yourself up to all the desires you’d like.

You make room for what really is for you in your life and you let go of things that aren’t for you. Stop worrying about other people and how they are going to react and their emotions - that is not your responsibility. The right people will support and accept you.

Authenticity is contagious. People want more of you, the real you, not the masked version. It starts with being honest with yourself, so you can be honest with others.

You can’t receive what you are not giving.  

You owe it to yourself to stand in your truth. That is your power! Lean into that!

Reflection:

What parts of you do you not accept or you deem unworthy? How have you been suppressing those parts of you? & Where do you have shame? When and where does it come up? How can you lean into your shame and realize it’s actually your biggest super power?  How has not showing up authentically impacted you? Where can you take accountability? What can and do you need to let go of? What do you miss out on by not showing up authentically and speaking your truth? How can you now start showing up differently? What is your intuitive next action?

Accept the parts of you, you are shameful of. That is your door to freedom. 

PS:

Shoutout to all my feelers and those able to be vulnerable and that are comfortable with it. You inspire me!